The Weight of UNCERTAINTY

“She is clothed in strength and dignity and
she laughs without fear of the future.”

Proverbs 31:25

The word that keeps coming to my mind as I have felt so overwhelmedlately is, UNCERTAINTY.

Uncertainty means: something that is uncertain or that causes one to feel uncertain.[1]

Uncertain about:

• Finances
• Health
• Relationships
• Job
• Home
• Security
• Children (and Grandchildren)
• Political Climate
• Weather

Is something going wrong with my car—what is that knocking sound and how much is this going to cost me? Is my dog going to be alright after a $400 vet bill to help save her life? Am I making the proper career decisions or am I spinning my wheels and digging myself into a hole I may never get out of? Should I look elsewhere? Am I going to be able to provide so that my children can continueto pursue their education? Is my grandson going to be alright and are the doctors giving my son-in-law and daughter the right information? I can’t even begin to tell you the weight, like a heavy blanket that comes when your mind is going in all different directions, dwelling on all the “uncertainties”.

When my husband, David, was alive, we talked about these uncertainties. We worked together to make the decisions and come to solutions. We encouraged one another and it seemed like at least one of us was up when the other one was down. But now that he is gone, sometimes I feel so alone and the decisions are much weightier. I have people who love and support me, but I don’t want to seem like I’m falling apart. I don’t want to worry them, when they have their own struggles and feelings of uncertainty. I don’t want to worry my children because home is where they are supposed to feel secure. But they see the weight of the stress written all over my face. That’s just being honest. I know I’m not the only one that feels this weight.

Things in life are unpredictable, decisions are risky, no one cantell the future. Regardless of:

• how much we plan,
• how hard we work,
• how much we pray,

no one knows what tomorrow holds. There is not a secret formulathat works for every situation.

Then we deal with doubt, anxiety, fear, and apprehension that wearen’t making the right choices for a successful future and something is goingto fall apart.

The 30^th of this month would have been mine and David’s 22^nd wedding anniversary. Today, one of those memories on social media popped up from our 20-year anniversary, the last we celebrated together. I had posted a barrage of pictures from our wedding and a message that said how wonderful these 20 years have been and how I’m looking forward to 20 more as we head into a new phase of our lives. I watch as my friends have children moving into college. I realize that my son, while living at home while attending college now, will probably be moving away from home after this year of classes. My youngest daughter has two more years of high school and may also want to go away to college. Right now, my home is filled with the sounds of people enjoying each other. I cook for them and enjoy when their friends are here, as well. I haven’t felt the sting of loneliness like some of my friends who have experienced the loss of their spouse. I miss David terribly, but I haven’t really felt lonely. 

Last night I read a post by a friend who was talking about howquiet the house was now that both of her daughters were finally settled intotheir respective colleges. She mentioned her, “new normal” and suddenly, the uncertaintyof what that is going to be like for me hit like a brick wall. Will I be aloneand feel this sting that my friends have told me about? Uncertainty.

I’ve been doing so well, for the most part, over the past 18 months since David passed away. Of course, I have grieved and felt the pain of his loss on a regular basis. But I’ve usually had a sense that it is going to be alright and although my future will not be how I saw it just a couple of years ago, it can still be good. Yet, the more time that passes, I feel more uncertain and recently it has caused me to feel insecure and fearful. It feels like the anxiety of the uncertainty may crush me under its heavy weight.

This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this level of uncertainty. You can imagine how difficult it was when David and I would visit his doctor and hear that the tumors were growing or the words, “there is nothing else we can do.” I would google for answers and solutions. We were desperate. Any sign of hope would be something that we wouldn’t hesitate from running toward. If even for a moment, the thought that “this just might work” gave us some relief from the weight of uncertainty . . . a respite from the certainty of approaching death.

You can throw all your religious clichés at me and tell me that we should have just prayed and trusted God. Well, we did. Anyone who was around us knows that we prayed and believed as much as we knew how. But the reality of the circumstances was still overwhelming and things weren’t looking better, only worse.

When David said he had resigned himself to whatever God was going to do and we had to stop searching for answers, I actually felt a moment of relief. I hoped that God was going to move miraculously and heal David on this earth. I wanted Him to swoop in and change our situation and lift the heaviness of uncertainty from us in a wave of supernatural signs and wonders. But that didn’t happen, the way I saw it happening.

When David passed away, there was a moment of peace as one weight was lifted. I cared for my husband 24/7 and I’m so glad I was able to do that. But he suffered more than I could bear to continue watching. He didn’t deserve that, and I didn’t want him to have to keep fighting. Knowing that David had experienced the ultimate relief from this pain gave me a moment to just breath and rest and throw off THAT blanket of uncertainty. I didn’t know that time could pass so quickly and so slowly all at the same time. While I have felt like I’m moving forward, I still feel stuck in a rut and the culmination of those two feelings can be summed up in the word UNCERTAIN.

I can honestly say that UNCERTAINTY is probably one of the worst feelings that we can endure. Some try to just escape this weight that comes when the reality of the uncertain tries to suffocate them. There are prescriptions, meditation, yoga . . . “you just need a drink” . . . maybe you need a new hobby or exercise program, or you just need to unload on your therapist. So many people try to give you an answer to make this horrible feeling go away. Some will just say, “Hang in there, it will get better.” I’ve said that to other people, as well. But all I know is this, there will always be uncertainties in life. But there is something that I am CERTAIN about and in these times, I must shake myself out of this funk and focus on that ONE thing. MY GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE HAS GOT ME!

“I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

The opposite of being “UNCERTAIN”, is being “CERTAIN.”

Certain means, “known for sure; established beyond doubt.”  This word means unquestionable, sure, definite,without a doubt, undeniable, irrefutable, undisputed![2]

There is a reason why the Bible tells us to FIX OUR THOUGHTS on “Whatis true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Thinkabout things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8) Paulgoes on to say, “I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.” (Philippians4:13) The fact is, there are always going to be situations that are souncertain in life. But we are encouraged to drop that weight and FIX OURTHOUGHTS on what we know to be certain. If I have surrendered my life to Christ,then there are sure promises for me that regardless of the valleys I walkthrough, the pain I endure, the uncertainties that try to overwhelm my thoughts,I am held in the arms of a loving Father who takes care of me.

In HIS WORD I find all the encouragement that I need to keepmoving forward without fear of the future.

Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.”

That’s the woman I want to be. That is the truth about thisdaughter of God. No matter what the enemy throws at me, I WILL LAUGH WITHOUTFEAR OF THE FUTURE. Because I am certain that MY FATHER IS GOD.

When I turn to His Word in times of uncertainty, He always remindsme that I’m going to be alright. There is nothing outside of His purview andnothing surprises Him. Listen to what the Word tells us:

“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

“For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” Proverbs 3:26

 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

It really is that simple. TRUST IN THE LORD.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Yesterday, as I was writing this, I sat at my kitchen table and cried out to God and told Him all the things that were weighing me down like a blanket. I released the weight by literally speaking to Him about each situation that was squeezing my mind like a vice. It’s not like He didn’t know. He was just waiting on me to let it go. Literally, in that moment, He began to move situations and bring answers to my UNCERTAINTY.

He’s just waiting for us to let go and stop picking everything back up again. Today, I want to encourage you to go straight to your Father, God and give Him your list of UNCERTAINTIES. He already knows what they are, but it helps to speak them out. All of them. Release them to Him.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7

This next week, I’m going to post a scripture promise, each day on our social media channels, that let’s us know that we can be confident in the CERTAINTY that our Father is God and He has it all under control. If you are not already following us on Facebook or Instagram, I invite you do to that and join the conversation. I pray that each of you will unload all the uncertainties and enjoy life.

Rest, my friend. Rest!

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[1]Oxford Dictionary

[2]Oxford Dictionary